Thank you pussy willows for literally stopping me in my tracks with your silent soft buds, giving me the chance to hear the songbirds against the clear sky and feel the cold gentle breeze brush my cheeks. As I stepped closer to you, and the icy melting pond, I noticed a busy chipmunk sipping droplets of water as they slid from above where they were once frozen to a bare branch. You may have seen the way that chipmunk freaked out noticing me so close. I had to laugh. And when the hawk dipped into our precious scene reminding me of something I tried not to remember what. Thank you pussy willows. I felt like I could have stayed with you forever. I will take you into my dreams tonight.
I had an affair when I was married to Roger Knapp who died in March of 2008. When our children were young we were asked to be in a cousin’s wedding together and so I am pictured in their wedding album, much to the bride’s horror. This woman makes sure I know how disgusted she is by my face. She keeps me in the frame labeled “whore, cheater, gold digger, liar” for reasons she may or may not understand. This is okay.
As I write this, I am married to another man I love. I remain faithful and true to him as I, once again, am interested in creating a strong marriage. Whenever someone wants to hurt me or him or our marriage, they bring up the subject of the affair in which I participated as a married woman decades ago. This, also, is okay. It’s not like the affair is a secret I’ve kept from him.
I understand why I had the extramarital affair in the first place. I understand what choices I made and why. I take great care to make sure I do not retrace those steps as it is not a place I care to live or visit again.
Why must I write about this here? Because I write. And I am free. And I always will be. I was born that way. Loving people understand freedom and want it for themselves and others.